Graduate Student Cannot Get Over Fact That Department Pays His Rent

MADISON, WI—Sitting in a one-bedroom apartment on West Dayton Street that he does not pay for, first-year biochemistry graduate student Marcus Hall, 23, confirmed Tuesday that he still cannot get over the fact that the department pays his rent.

“They just pay it,” said Hall, who worked two jobs through undergrad at UW-Eau Claire and whose previous experience with rent was that it was the thing that ruined the last week of every month. “I didn’t ask. The offer said ‘stipend’ and then a number and then ‘plus tuition remission.’ I read it four times because I thought it was a mistake.”

It was not a mistake. The department pays his rent. It also pays him $34,500 a year to learn about proteins. Despite the things he had read online about graduate school, no one has yet asked him to do anything he does not want to do. He has a desk. The desk has a chair. The chair is not good but it is his and no one can take it. There is a break room with free coffee. The coffee is bad. He does not care that the coffee is bad. It is free. Everything is free. The pipette tips are free. The gloves are free. Last week he used an NMR spectrometer that costs more than every car his family has ever owned combined, and the only thing he had to do to use it was sign a sheet.

“My mom keeps watching the news about science funding in the US and asking me what’s wrong,” Hall said. “Nothing is wrong. I just keep calling her and telling her about things that are free. She doesn’t believe me about the NMR machine. She thinks I’m exaggerating. I’m not exaggerating. It costs $800,000. I just walk in and use it.”

Hall’s labmate, a fourth-year who has not felt joy about the stipend since 2022, confirmed that Hall’s enthusiasm is “sweet” and to give it “about eight more months.”

At press time, Hall discovered that the department will also pay for him to fly to a conference in San Diego, and had to sit down.