Scripps Chemist Successfully Eats Lunch In Time It Takes To Run One TLC
LA JOLLA, CA—Racing back from the cafeteria with a submarine sandwich in hand while his thin-layer chromatography plate developed in a chamber of 30% ethyl acetate in hexanes, Scripps Research graduate student Jake Howard reportedly achieved what colleagues are calling “a perfect TLC lunch” after successfully obtaining and consuming an entire meal in the six minutes and thirty-seven seconds it took for his solvent front to reach the top of the plate, sources confirmed Wednesday.
“You have to plan it out,” explained Howard, slightly out of breath, a small piece of mayo visible on his jeans. “You spot the plate, you drop it in the chamber, you sprint to Subway, you order something—no toasting, light fixings—and if you timed it right, the solvent front is just hitting the top as you’re swallowing your last bite. It’s like a dance. A beautiful, desperate, calorie-dense dance.” Howard noted that the key is choosing the right solvent system, as more polar mixtures run slower and allow for “a fast casual experience, maybe even chips,” while nonpolar systems require what he described as “inhaling a granola bar while changing in and out of PPE.”
When asked whether he had considered simply eating lunch at a normal pace and running the TLC afterward, Howard appeared momentarily confused, as if the question had been posed in a foreign language. “And waste ten minutes?” he replied. “I have six more reactions to check. I don’t have ‘lunch time.’ I have TLC time that I put squeeze foot into.” At press time, Howard was seen sprinting toward the vending machine while an Isco he had just loaded began dripping its first fraction.