Springer Nature CEO Opens Special Bottle Of Wine Upon News of Open Science Self-Cannibalization

LONDON—Springer Nature CEO Willem Klaassen-Hooft opened a 2016 Châteauneuf-du-Pape he had been saving for the right occasion Tuesday evening after reading that an open science advocate had used AI to score 57,455 preprints without author consent and published a ranked list called “The 1%.”

“I bought this bottle the year we went public,” said Klaassen-Hooft, pouring a glass. “I always said I’d open it when the threat of preprints to traditional publishing had subsided. I assumed that would take a scandal, or legislation. I did not anticipate that they would do it to themselves in a single afternoon and brand it with the logo of income inequality.”

Sources close to Klaassen-Hooft confirmed that he read the full QED announcement twice, pausing the second time at the sentence suggesting scientists share their scores with tenure committees and university PR departments.

“That’s our pitch,” he said. “That is word-for-word what we tell authors about impact factor. How validating.”

Klaassen-Hooft reportedly called Elsevier CEO Deniz Çelikbaş to discuss the news. Sources describe the call as “brief and joyful.” Çelikbaş reportedly said “They named it The 1%?” and laughed for approximately 45 seconds.

“I forwarded the announcement to my COO. He replied 'Is this from The Onion.' I said no. He said 'Is this from that science satire Substack.' I said no. He said 'Then what is this.' I said 'This is real. The 1%. The single phrase in modern political life most associated with entrenched privilege.’”

He wiped a tear from his eye. “You can’t make this up.”

At press time, Klaassen-Hooft was composing a handwritten thank-you note to QED’s founder that he described as sincere but his chief of staff described as inadvisable.